Comments on: Divorce

By: Shadowlady

Shadowlady — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 16:49:54 +0000

Divorce becomes a sane option if communication ceases. Usually the kink/FLR aspect is not the main reason, just a symptom of the inability to communicate.
I understand those women to an extend. Often men that finally admit their desires are all out and gung-ho in their approach. “I want it all and I want it now” The man they thought they knew seems no longer to be the, he has become a stranger (or so it seems).
I also understand the men. They have often been carrying a secret often for years. Finally they break the silence and they confide their deepest wish and fear and they feel rejected. Or bombard the woman with information, when she is still struggling with this other world. He is so desperate for her approval and not to be rejected that he goes overboard and then it becomes a self full filling prophecy.
Often the man has a focus on the kink, and forgets the part what is in it for her. She sees nothing but more work, more responsibility and nothing in it for her.
A downward spiral starts to develop. A divorce happens. But really is this about the kink or FLR or D/s. I think it is not. It just has highlighted the inability of the couple to communicate and to work towards a better goal for both. A give and take seems not to be on the cards and hence drifting apart is a result He with a fear to ever confide in her again. Her with a feeling of betrayal. Not a happy place for a marriage.
It can be worked through, but it is hard. Divorce may for some couples be the best option. Trying to walk in the others shoes may be a solution for others.

Note there is no blame, the same happens with MLR couples and divorce can be the way the individuals in a relationship set those free that can’t be happy within the relationship. In all cases it is sad that it happens. But I think that a couple that has a good ability to communicate does stand a chance to find common ground and a happy median.

By: john

john — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 21:25:07 +0000

I have just done this, divorced after a six year marriage. it was after my marriage that I discovered I was submissive and had been for many years just didn’t realize it. After much reasearch I approached her with the desire to be in a female led life and was told I was some kind of pervert. When I tried to explain the roles etc she wouldn’t listen. I sent her links so she could read about the life and make up her own mind based on real information about how others live the life, she ignored them. Well three years later we seperated and divorced. At 50 how could I go on living a vanilla life I hated and our sex life had stopped. Living a sex less life for the rest of my days just didn’t seem like a wonderful way to spend my life.

By: nathanyl

nathanyl — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 22:25:39 +0000

My interest in Femdom is more on the lines of role playing than resuming a “vanilla life”. Being charge all the time ican be quite tiring, I also think that most women like to be taken care of rather than having to take care of theiormanl By this I mean they like a man who is able to make decisions as well be dominant (not in a BDSM way) in the bedroom. If a sub has married a woman with no interest in femdom than you have to wonder what he was thinking as I find it hard to believe that he didn’t know she had no interest in his fetishes before marriage.

I get a bit tired of reading stories about men who try and turn their vanilla women into dommes. If the intersest is not there than I’m afraid its not there. Try getting to know the lady before you commit to marriage.

By: mule

mule — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 12:00:34 +0000

Marriage is a fragile thing. It is built on many foundations, but not each foundation is equal. The survival of the marriage also depends upon the number of foundations on which it is built.

If you are building a marriage solely on sex, it will fade as sexual desire fades. If you build it solely on FLR, it will rise and fall on the woman’s willingness to take control. If she wasn’t willing to take control on day one, it’s unlikely she’s going to change the way she has been for decades before especially not overnight.

You might luck out and find a woman who is willing to change and maybe even like it. This is something you should experiment with before marriage.

It is also important that you assess how much importance to put on FLR in relationship to everything else that makes you attracted to each other.

For once I can speak with some experience on a topic. Mrs. Mule and I are very happily married. She isn’t very dominant sexually, but is a leader. I’d follow her anywhere.

Would I like her to be more dominant in the bedroom? Yes. But she does what she is comfortable doing (which is a lot more than when we married over 30 years ago) and I appreciate that. Dominance is a nice thing to have for me, but not a very important thing.

Is this a source of contention in the marriage? Not at all. First of all I celebrate what she is willing to do. More importantly, we have so many other things going on in our lives, and we get along so well together in so many other ways, that it is a minor consideration.

To F-P’s point: people can grow apart as well as grow together. If there are a lot of ways in which the people relate, then chances are that growing apart in any one area is not going to put as much strain on the relationship as in the case where the relationship has many ties.

If it’s that important to you and life between you is miserable because of it, then by all means consider divorce.

By: F-P

F-P — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 22:44:37 +0000

Here’s another good question. What happens to the submissive dynamic when the marriage is stressed for other reasons.

As has been noted, women are generally somewhat reluctant to emrace the dominent role. But there’s no denying that it also has it’s advantages, primarily free reign in decision-making, priority in use of resources, and ability to shift most chores to the husband. The downside is what many women feel is a something lacking in the relationship aspect of the marriage.

But once you get used to something it’s hard to give up. I would guess that once a woman (or man, if it happens to work out that way) gets used to being the head honcho, whose needs and desires come first, and whose decisions are final, it’s hard to give it up. I would think this could put a tremendous strain ona marriage if the submissive loses interest in the role for unrelated reasons.