Can there be a person who exhibits *assertive submission*? I believe so.

A submissive, by nature, is highly regarded if they can express themselves in a humble and soft fashion; however, it’s important that they get their needs met too. If their needs are to be met, they must have the ability to be assertive in communication. Many submissive’s find this task to be difficult and instead decide to be passive-agressive, agressive or passive. This is where the wise dominant steps in to guide the submissive in the right direction. If the dominant does not have the tools to assist the submissive, she will: 1. seek out and learn the knowledge with or separately from the submissive; and/or 2. forward the submissive to capable materials, persons or courses.

Being assertive includes ensuring that your rights as a human being are not being violated and abused in an unhealthy way. Now in our world, submissive’s are often violated & abused; however, in this world that I condone – it is known that consensual and healthy BDSM is what we strive for. Therefore, in the end, we do not want the spirit of the submisive to truly feel that they are not respected and have no rights as a valuable person within the relationship.

A person will exhibit a range of behaviours but will most likely settle on one that is natural or intrinsic to them. I believe this is the cause of nature; one’s upbringing that has formed the way a person communicates.

What many dominant’s are unable to see is that a submissive can be assertive, agressive, passive and passive-agressive and still have the desire and intent to be submissive. This is the oxymoron and the difficulty in relating with a submissive who is not assertive.

Please see below for definitions of assertive, agressive, passive and passive-agressive.

Definitions of Behaviour

Assertive: The root cause of assertive behaviour is confidence. An assertive person ensures that your rights are not violated or abused. They also ensure that you do not violate or abuse other’s rights. Helping other’s take their rights in order for them not to be abused or violated is also a part of being an assertive person. They exhibit behaviours of: calm and rational thought and speech; listening first and talking second when confronted with a difficult situation; standing up for themselves and others in a clear and concise way; most likely not offering excuses for their assertive actions; the ability to say no in a diplomatic way; etc.

Agressive: The root causes of agressive behaviour are: insecurity, fear or hurt feelings. It is rare that it’s out of pure frustration and hatred. Agressive people take other’s rights without consent. They won’t concern themselves if other’s are taking their rights. They might help another to take their rights but will in turn take them away as they relate with the person they were trying to help. They will pounce on the passive. They exhibit the behaviours of: yelling; intimidating speech and stance; swearing; physical & emotional violence; withdrawal of anything the other person wants; they are only able to see their view; etc..

Passive: The root cause of passive behaviour is fear. They have difficulty surviving on their own. In other words – they do not have the strength to protect their rights and hope that other’s will do so for them. They exhibit the most sensitive behaviours such as crying on a moment’s notice; feeling down on themselves; feeling unworthy; recognizeable low self esteem(all other behaviours except for “assertive” have low self esteem but it’s not readily recognizeable); etc..

Passive-agressive: The root cause of passive-agressive behaviour is fear with an uprising of aggression because no one else is protecting them and they can’t protect themselves since they do not have the behaviour of assertiveness. This is the most difficult style to relate to as the behaviours fluctuate. Bobbing from one style to another style in a moment’s notice. It’s difficult to find truth in such a person as their passive side will hide the it and their agressive side will lie to protect it. In fact this is most difficult and stressful to the passive-agressive person as they are most often not aware that they are behaving in this way. It’s their way to getting their agressive feelings out in an indirect way. Their only way of expressing themselves. There is another way though – through assertiveness. They exhibit behaviours of: lying to themselves which in turn becomes a lie to another; acting out but pretending they didn’t; not offering information; crying, then screaming; then yelling; then crying; and then saying “it’s all your fault”; withdrawal; etc.

(c) 2001 Lady Sun http://www.lady-sun.com

Originally posted 2010-11-15 08:55:38. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

The etiology of my own kininess fascinates me. Some folks also enjoy that kind of interior inspection, others are indifference.

Since I’m pansexual and am attracted to women, men, transsexuals, crossdressers and genders as yet unconceived this guy’s question doesn’t exactly fit me. But perhaps you to have wondered about the sources of your need to submit to a woman.

Ok i’m a guy and from an early age i have had submissive sexual fantasies and stuff, from childhood…i am extremely submissive towards girls and i also love femdom, i’m 17…but i’m not one of these submissives who is only interested in acting out sexual fantasies and stuff, i’m also very psychologically submissive and would love to give myself to a tough, dominant but kind girl, loving girl, i don’t have a girlfriend but if i did i would want to please and serve her…. also i became aware of my submissive nature about 2 years ago, but me being submissive i’m not weak i’m actually a shy, but strong person….and anyway i really want to know what makes me submissive, am i born this way? i’ve done loads and loads of research on the internet and i’ve found very little…..according to some people i am born submissive, according to others i have self-esteem issues or an “inferiority complex” according to wikipedia i’m trying to relive childhood abuse and according to some i’m just a rare type of guy that worships and respects women and looks up to them as god-like……..

Why do i want to worship Women?

This is from Yahoo Answers. I may post several pointers there.

Originally posted 2010-07-03 13:04:30. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Be Worthwhile

I get messages from guys expressing their wish to find a dominant woman.

I.e., a dominant woman who will do X to him in Y fashion.

They don’t say how they will actually submit to the woman. What they will offer to make a woman feel like gratifying their fetish.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling a woman that you want your left testicle spanked with a stalk of celery.

But only after you’ve given her a reason for caring about your needs and desires. Why should she give you anything. Surely not from the mere expression of desire.

Be worth pleasing.

Photographic Female Superiority

I don’t ordinarly post gratuitous F/m images here but this one of the man kneeling with tender affection is too nice to not post to Female Led Relationships.

My other FLR site has photographs of Women to Worship.

Submissiveness is Contingent

Crazy bad stuff from the horny men who’ve never been in a F/m relationship abounds on the internet.

To them submission means subjecting a man to horrific punishment if he doesn’t abase himself completely as a worthless creature fit only to be used. Perhaps even if his ordinary human limitations leave him unable to accomplish an assigned task.

These guys masturbate to those scenes and project them onto the men who have found dominant female partners.

Apodicticly: A submissive man is one who desires to submit.

He may merely desire to be controlled. Perhaps even to be guided.

The emotional need to be dominated is independent of a desire to be punished or pure masochistic desire for pain and humiliation. Most who are submissive also want the whippings. To varying degrees.

That a man is masochistic is no shame. It doesn’t make his submission less worthy. It is only the lonely, never affiliated in flesh and blood with a real female top who suggest otherwise.

The levels and degrees of submission and dominance are to be resolved by the two people involved. According to their needs and desires and the unique chemistry of their specific interaction.

Don’t let the wise ass wankers on the web mislead or fuddle you.

Collaring a submissive partner can be a very serious experience:

A dominant woman wrote:

My relationship with my sub has grown to a level that has gotten me at least thinking about collaring. He is more than ready; he told me that in his mind, he ~feels~ collared to me, even though he has made it clear that he is happy to proceed at my pace (me being the newcomer to the scene and all), even if I eventually decide that we are not a good couple. But I’ve recently realized that I am ready for some sort of formalized commitment, though I am not sure I am quite ready to collar him yet.

For those of you in a collared relationship, when did you realize it was “time”? What did collaring mean to you and your partner? What was your relationship after collaring (i.e. a full-time, living- together sort of relationship, or otherwise?) I know many people here have said that collaring means what you want it to mean; I would very much like to know what it has meant to you.

A response:

Collaring a slave used to be a bigger deal. Lately it seems people are very casual about collars, but I think it should be equivalent to an engagement ring: that it should mean something about the level of your commitment to your D/s relationship. Still, there are friendship rings and there can be more casual kinds of collars. I’m not even counting the collars subs adorn themselves with to look servile.

I pierced my husband’s nipples when we were engaged to be married. Already by that time (Mid-80s) a collar didn’t seem to be enough. Of course, there’s collars, then there’s collars. I know of several slaves who opted to accept lock-on, 24/7, stainless steel *chainmail* collars or wrist cuffs. Some people go further and get their slaves sized for chastity devices which lock on.

In general, people collar a slave when they are ready to claim ownership and exercise exclusivity rights as a mistress or master. If your slave is someone else’s spouse, a collar is probably the only way you can mark them as your slave. Exclusivity doesn’t mean monogamy. You can collar more than one slave, but slaves traditionally only wear one person’s collar, and it means that, as a slave, they are devoted to that one person.

Nothing stops your fella from buying one and wearing it to honor you, as a form of self-expression. If your man feels collared and that means he feels he belongs to you, a collaring ceremony would be a nice gift for him, assuming you want to encourage him. If you don’t want him for your own yet, try to figure out what your reservations are, and, if it’s something he can control, explain it to him. Give him a chance to perfect himself and win the right to wear your collar.

Maybe you are enjoying the relationship but don’t want to solidify it yet. That’s your prerogative. Just understand yourself, and be clear with him. He may just need to have a firm idea about where he stands with you.

I found wearing a collar deeply moving. It wasn’t necessary but the collar was a potent symbol, external embodiment of my feelings.

Originally posted 2010-07-11 18:05:48. Republished by Blog Post Promoter