As I’m documenting elsewhere I’m currently semi-engaged in a tentative search for a local top (my prior relationship ended last fall).

I was wondering if any of you have used CollarMe, Craigslist, Alt. Bondage and the like to find a dominant or submissive playmate or life partner.

What luck did you have?

I’m sure you have stories sad and bad – any funny ones?

Originally posted 2008-02-25 07:14:32. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

You want to meet a dominant woman.

Ok, fair enough. Do you sabotage your chances? Are you too inhibited to greet a woman? So horribly shy that you can’t even say “Hi.”?

Isn’t that a subtle form of selfishness? Isn’t it essentially demanding that she do all the social exertion? Is there some reason she should feel so inclined?

From what many dominant women write on the web they expect many of the same courtesies and amenities that vanilla women do when being courted by a man.

That means that you can’t be a wallflower and expect luck. Besides your shyness is just a form of ego protection isn’t it?

That foolish belief that it is better to have nothing than to have a woman say “No.”?

Originally posted 2008-01-22 16:15:39. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

From the ancient times of usenet groups like soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm.femdom and soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm people have pretended their kinky sex fantasies are their real lives. Femdom discussion forums are sometimes thick with men pretending to be domes or at least retailing dreams as reality.

No surprise that this will to prettify a frustrated life should migrate to loving female authority blogs.

I remember following one man’s story as he told of becoming steadily more subjugated by his wife. Suddenly the familiarity of it registered. He was translating trite female domination erotica into bogus autobiography.

And I note some blogs have maybe five posts they repeat over and over again. Typically of being “bad” – sassy or thoughtless – and being punished. Often the punishment is described with the hungry detail of a true fetishist. But the “Mistress Wife” seems just an abstraction. Not a flesh and blood woman. More an automaton of power and punishment.

Sometimes I mark it as an inability to capture a relationship in prose. Other times I feel varying levels of skepticism.

Writing erotica as a diary isn’t a fault as such.

But.

Increasingly others – particularly men who want a female led marriage or relationship – turn to these blogs as sources of advice, inspiration, guidance. To them the blog author is proving an ideal to be matched and giving them a pattern they seek to emulate.

This is why LFA and FLR blogs should be read with caution. As should anything about sexual relationships by unknown people. (Including of course this blog.)

Sure there are plenty of honorable femdom bloggers but be careful in seeking to make your life match some lonely man’s fantasies.

Originally posted 2007-09-01 09:27:53. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Within the BDSM community slave contracts are a common topic. Many have been written. Some quite bad. And nobody knows how many such contracts have been lived up to.

Within the perhaps less kinky and demanding realm of female led relationships should both parties perhaps craft some set of rule and regulations? Written statements of the roles including obligations both male and female have?

Such formal agreements could be considered a second set of wedding vows.

The real danger with such summaries, like many attempt at regulation is in unnecessary specificity, cumbersome complexity. But some may benefit by establishing boundaries clearly at the beginning. And any contract can be amended.

Earlier: Interspousal Agreements.

Originally posted 2008-04-30 13:49:22. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Femdom Dating has been updated regularly of late.

Originally posted 2008-01-30 11:17:50. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

On an abandoned FLR blog I ran across these “Ten Commandments for a husband in a Female Led Marriage” …

1. Dedicate your life to my happiness and give me your uncompromising devotion.
2. Put my pleasure, my needs and my wishes before your own and never grumble or moan about it.
3. Obey my rules willingly and obey my commands immediately. Treat my suggestions as orders.
4. Never argue with me. Give in to me in all things. Submit to my will and to my authority.
5. Devote yourself to serving me, both in the bedroom and without.
6. All chores that need to be done at home are your job unless I decide otherwise.
7. Ask for my approval before doing anything, going anywhere or spending anything.
8. Listen to me attentively when I speak to you.
9. Confess all your transgressions to me and never, ever lie to me.
10. Request punishment when you deserve it and willingly submit to all punishments that I apply.

The list was written by a male, not a female.

How do each of these strictures strike you? Are they just and fair? Are they too demanding? Can you imagine yourself seeking to live up to each and every one?

Originally posted 2008-05-04 11:50:21. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Many submissive guys fret wondering how they might introduce dominance and submission to their lover/girlfriend/wife. “Miss Vanilla” has created a good beginner’s guide:

So, you’ve decided you are going to dom your guy. What now? The first step is to just think about what kinds of things you’re interested in, or would like to try. If you can’t really think of anything specific, that’s OK – it will come to you!. As you play with your man, remember that you should be taking mental notes – what turns him on? You can talk with him about it, too. What are things he absolutely will not do? What are things he doesn’t really want to do, but isn’t completely opposed to?

Now, before you really start, get used to your role. Everyone doms differently. all you really need to know is that you’re a dom now! Now you’re boss. What you say, goes. You can get your way with brute force, or by making your victim helpless. You can induce helplessness with seduction, or ropes, or pain, or pleasure. You can get your way by extorting your man with his own orgasms (that’s one of my favorites. I’ll get into that soon. However you do it, have fun! Oh, and look out for your new pet, too.

Miss Vanilla’s Guide to Being a Mistress

Originally posted 2010-12-30 19:31:42. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

A Nashville woman was visiting a friend. They were drinking cocktails. And she relaxed enough to confide to her friend the Femdomish play that she and her husband engage in.

After an extra margarita or two, she persuaded me to talk about my sex life with my husband—which is very satisfying and fun, by the way. Much to my surprise, I found myself telling her that we engage in some “kinky” activities—I spank him, he sometimes wears panties, etc. She was absolutely shocked and told me that my husband would never be a “real” man and that he was almost certainly gay. To my astonishment, she has told several mutual friends about my confession, and now I suspect people are laughing behind our backs.

Slate, Dear Prudence: Prudie counsels a woman whose husband’s bedroom habits have become gossip fodder.

There are submissive guys who want badly to share with people how they are dominated by wife or girlfriend. Good thing they manage to keep their mouths shut.

Originally posted 2010-09-08 06:02:54. Republished by Blog Post Promoter

Female Tops Want Sane Male Bottoms

How many, many, many times have submissive men who want or have loving submissive male partners, lovers, husbands stated that:

• Dominant Women Don’t Want Wimps
• Dominant Woman Don’t Want Worthless Men
• Many Dominant Women Don’t Even Want Sissies

• Dominant Women Want a Man Who Can Contribute
• Dominant Woman Want a Man with Self-Respect
• Dominant Women Want a Man Who is Smart
• Dominant Woman Want a Man Who is Kind

Lonely submissive and masochistic men – you? – spend their spare time looking at pornographic images of cruel, crushing women and masturbate thinking about worse torments and degradations than a mortal body and mind could survive.

There’s nothing wrong with crazy I fantasies. I enjoy mine. I know female tops who have them as well (but – sorry – aren’t planning on making them real). Wank to crazy imaginings. But remember: don’t confuse your dark dreams with daylight possibilities.

Women want more than a wanker. Be mindful of what is possible and doable.

You have to seek your expectations in perspective if you’ll ever find a woman willing to top you. (Or you’ll have to pay for the experience.) Most likely much of what you think you want won’t be things she does. But given real experiences your desires and expectations will adapt to BDSM as it is lived.